


Along Came a Spaceman

by Mareepysheepy



Category: South Park
Genre: Alien Sex, Kink Meme, Light-hearted family comedy, M/M, Sex in Space, Tails, Tentacle Sex, Tweek is an alien, that isn’t appropriate for the family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 19:01:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15735480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mareepysheepy/pseuds/Mareepysheepy
Summary: Craig has always longed for belonging and fine, alien dick.And it’s not until he happens upon a spaceship right here on planet Earth that he finally thinks he might have found his destiny.





	Along Came a Spaceman

**Author's Note:**

> Written off the back of the kink meme prompt:
> 
> bear with me: creek, craig desperately trying to get abducted by aliens, finally does, and gets railed by alien tweek. tentacle dick(s) or other fun genitalia highly encouraged
> 
> \----
> 
> Flynntervention and I really went to town on this badboy. Please ensure you visit her story as a linked story/ part of the same collection for the entire thing from Tweek's point of view! Link found here: [Link](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15735477#collection-form).
> 
> Enjoy, whoever you were, OP!

 

Not even in his wildest dreams had Craig thought this could ever happen. He hadn’t even dared to _hope_ , no matter how much his actions had spoken otherwise. He’d think it was nothing more than another sad fantasy if not for the very real sensation of metal beneath his feet, and a curious, foreign taste in the air. The energy cuffs tied securely around his wrists were definitely real too.

Since the age of fourteen he’d known he was a little different. Not in a gay way. Hell he’d known he was gay since the age of eight. So had everyone else.

Gay had nothing on this shit.

It had happened at that tender age of self-discovery. Fresh out of puberty, Craig had been just like any other nasty, shitty, little, teenage boy. And like nasty, shitty, little teenage boys he’d spent a lot of time on the internet

His access to porn had been severely limited thanks to some incident with his dad the year before. His mom had put a pretty mean lockdown on it so he’d had to get creative in his first ventures into gay porn.

He’d started off with that yaoi shit some of the girls at school swooned over. It had been a decent enough point of reference although he quickly learnt that spit wasn’t very appropriate lubrication when he’d tried to finger his own asshole after a binge on an illegal manga site. But, like most boys his curiosity had won out. Soon lightsaber dicks weren’t enough. Soon he sought out detailed cocks with the tiny, redundant censor line through them. Then he started reading monster porn because, although he wasn’t a fucking furry, some of those monsters had pretty awesome dicks.

But then, eventually, by the age of fifteen his bored click-throughs had caused him to stumble onto something that would change his life: hardcore Japanese tentacle porn.

At first he’d been disgusted, but that had quickly been superseded by confused arousal. The first week he discovered it, he jacked off no less than twenty-five times to thoughts of squiggling, firm tentacles poking and prodding at him. His room has stunk afterwards. His mom had known the moment she had burst in to drag him to family dinner and spied his overflowing waste paper basket. To her credit she had just sighed and muttered on to herself about teenage boys. Later on that month she had sat him down and shoved a box of condoms and a bottle of lube into his hands. She had told him that she was in no way encouraging him to perform in _any_ underage sexual acts, but if something _did_ happen she at least wanted him to be safe.

The condoms hadn’t come in very handy for a few more years, but the lube had been life-changing. Not too long after that event, Craig had used his hard-earned savings to buy himself a starter dildo. He’d been sorely disappointed by the lack of tentacle-shaped ones, but he’d already figured that he was in the minority there.

Playing with his ass had been a game-changer. The sun shone brighter and the birds sang more sweetly for Craig in those first weeks after discovering his G-spot. Sure it had taken some practice and some mistakes were made along the way, but damn if he didn’t wholeheartedly embrace it as a major part of his journey of sexual self-discovery. It hadn’t taken him long to start factoring in his fantasies of slimy, whipping tentacles into his ass-play.

He didn’t really go much further until the cusp of twelfth grade where he ended up losing his virginity to Kenny McCormick in the woods just beyond the church. For Craig it had been a turning point. An awakening, if you will.

The sex itself had been awkward and sweaty. Gnats had swarmed around them and tried to bite his naked ass in the late summer heat. The bark from a nearby tree had really done a number on his forearms, and Kenny had been bigger than his favourite dildo. But that hadn’t been the point. For Craig the entire thing was so much more meaningful than the simple physical pleasure of getting railed by one of the cutest guys in school. There beneath the glinting stars overhead and wrapped up in the thickness of the night, Craig had felt an enormous sense of rightness click into place. At the time he hadn’t been able to discern if it was the intimacy of giving his body over to someone else, or if it had been the stars bearing silent witness. Years later as he tuned out during a particularly boring college lecture, Craig had realised with sudden clarity that it had been _both_.

He and Kenny had fucked about several more times through the latter days of high school. Years later, Craig still wasn’t sure if they’d actually been _dating,_  but either way, he’d enjoyed Kenny’s company and they liked each other’s cocks so it had worked out nicely.

Kenny was one of the only people Craig ever spilt his secret to. It hadn’t been so much that Craig trusted him implicitly. Kenny’s own tastes ran through a wide spectrum. Craig had figured that Kenny wouldn’t find him weird. He’d perhaps even secretly hoped that Kenny would be into it too.

Kenny had tried his best to accommodate. True to Craig’s expectations, Kenny had laughed good-naturedly about it and called him a weirdo, but he hadn’t formed any weird, judgey opinions of him. He saw Craig’s interest as cute and harmless, and associated it with Craig’s deep and abiding love of getting his ass played with. At the time, Craig hadn’t had the heart to correct him; to tell him that it was so much more than that. That by the age of eighteen-and-a-half Craig had already decided that he was going to live a loveless life because he was never going to find a guy who could _truly_ appease him.

They’d parted ways as friends when Craig had gone off to university and Kenny decided to stay back and look after his little sister. It hadn’t been a break up. Neither of them were that soppy. They fucked the night before Craig left and said goodbye with a handshake. From there, they’d exchanged the odd text message, and hooked up twice when Craig had come home for the holidays, but eventually even that dwindled out.

College saw Craig swing between long bouts of disinterest, interspersed by flurries of activity via Grindr. He always kept his true sexual interests to himself though. Just because _he_ was a weirdo, it didn’t mean he wanted to meet _other_ weirdos. His secret was embarrassing enough as it was. The last thing he wanted his parents to remember him by was being a victim of an online Jeffrey Dahmer.

Despite his somewhat _different_ personal interests, Craig did okay enough at university. His grades were satisfactory, and he spent time with a bunch of people he might- at a push- refer to as his friends. The turning point, however, had come when he had joined the newly-formed ‘Welcome Aliens’ society. He’d originally joined with an innocent enough intent: he just wanted to make fun of the nerds who formed it. However his plans had been utterly derailed when club president Kevin Stoley had broken into an argument with club member (the _only_ other member, as it happened) Dougie O’Connell.

They’d argued about whether aliens had tentacles or not.

Without thought, Craig had jumped into the argument, adding his own impassioned rants about the virtues of tentacles. Kevin had looked disgusted. He liked his aliens to look like Spock in that shitty Star Trek crap he liked to watch. Dougie, however, listened with rapt attention and agreed wholeheartedly, describing in great detail about how he visualised aliens to have tentacles around their faces like something out of that nerdy Warcraft shit.

Four things had happened after that day. The first had been that Craig had gone home and jerked off furiously over the thought of sitting on an alien’s face. The second was that he began filling folders with World of Warcraft Draenei porn. The third was that he decided he liked Dougie, despite the fact that he was a ginger nerd. And the fourth was that he returned to the club the next day and demanded to be a member.

Unsurprisingly the club never grew. Craig always secretly hoped a female member would join. The conversation between Kevin and Dougie slipped far too often towards alien space chicks with three tits and it left Craig lonely and hungry for someone to discuss the virtues of space dicks with. Despite the straight failings though, Kevin and Dougie were alright. For the first few months of the club they discussed going on an alien road trip. Maybe see Area 51.

As plans began to crystallise and the dream started to carry the dangerous possibility of becoming real, Craig had started to prepare. He made a five foot sign which read “TAKE ME WITH YOU” complete with some random stickers he’d found at a party. On the back he’d added: “SINGLE AND DTF.” Just on the off chance that aliens read English and knew the local lingo.

The next stage of preparation had come about when Craig had stumbled upon the holy grail of dildos: _the Bad Dragon_. Upon settling his eyes upon it, his mouth had instantly watered. Finally, a sex toy just for him. The price tag had made him wince, but he figured it a small cost for happiness. He’d nearly trembled as he ripped the packaging open and had wasted no time in sitting on it (albeit with a fair bit of preparation, but Craig Tucker had never been a quitter).

Finally, Craig had been ready. His mind was ready, his body was ready, and his heart was most definitely ready.

The aliens, however, had unfortunately not been ready for _him._

The first, second, and third Roswell-to-Area 51 pilgrimage had been a bust. Through Craig’s increased desperation, he’d thrown all pretence aside by the final visit. He’d dug out the sluttiest ensemble he could find in his closet, and thanked God they weren’t heading too far south. He had stayed awake all six nights they were there, holding his sign aloft and trying not to let his heart sink through the bottom of his feet when no one answered.

Like so many things in life, Craig’s break had come when he’d least been expecting it. He’d been visiting his parents during the spring vacation of his final year. He’d been out drinking with Clyde at Skeeter’s bar.

He’d still been smarting over splitting up with Thomas. By that point in his life, Thomas had been the closest thing he’d ever had to an actual, proper boyfriend. He’d even humoured him by dressing up as an alien for him once or twice, although from the reluctant way he’d delivered the dirty talk, it was clear that he hadn’t been into it. They’d managed to make it five months before Thomas had gently broke it to him that he didn’t see them having a future together. Craig had tried to play it cool, but it had hit him hard later. Specifically in Skeeter’s bar when Clyde had slung his arm around his shoulders and cried on his behalf. He’d realised then that if he had much more to drink, he’d be crying too so it helped him curb the desire drink himself into a stupor at least.

Despite staying until close, he had only been mildly buzzed when he’d parted ways with Clyde, sending him a small wave as he’d headed in the opposite direction. Clyde had moved across town a couple of years before. He lived with Bebe now in his own perfect, heterosexual little dreamworld. Despite feeling like a resentful asshole for it, Craig would have been lying if he said he wasn’t jealous.

Craig had been passing the fields when things had changed. The cows had been mooing more loudly than usual. At first Craig had ignored it, but the sound had followed him with each step he took, tugging at his interest with every footfall.

By the time he’d neared the end of the paddock, Craig paused, turning to peer out across the murky darkness.

The cows hadn’t sounded distressed. He could make out their shadowed forms, huddled together. Without giving it much thought, Craig climbed up onto the fence, leaning forward as he scanned the herd. It fell temporarily silent. The field was eerie in the dark. The wind picked up, stirring Craig’s fringe and tickling his forehead.

There! Craig’s eyes narrowed, focussing on the sudden movement from the cows. They began mooing softly again, fanning out into a wider circle. From amidst them, around the centre of the group, a blinking light appeared.

Before his brain had a chance to catch up, his heart lurched in his chest. Twin feelings of hope and fear blossomed in his stomach. They mixed into one sickening, anxious sensation. It spurred him on, brain still operating several seconds behind his body as it lurched over the wooden fence and into the field.

His strides lengthened as the unmistakable disc-shape of a spaceship cleared the backs of the cows. By the time his dozy brain connected with reality, Craig was running at full pelt towards the ship and waving his arms.

“Wait!” He cried as the ship cleared the trees. “Please wait! Take me with you!”

Tears gathered in his eyes. This was real. This was really happening and his chance was disappearing before his eyes. No space travel. No tentacle sex. Just a life of mundanity with guys who saw him as weird and not worth committing to.

“ _Please!”_  He begged, despite knowing there was no way he could be heard over the low thrum of the engine. The cows shifted around him, fixing him with a judgemental, pitying sort of look. “Please take me with you! I don’t care what you do to me!”

And then, in the space of a single heartbeat, time seemed to freeze. It was the moment where the spaceship sped away, catapulting itself out of earth’s atmosphere and Craig’s life. It was the moment that Craig would regret for the rest of his life.

In that moment. In that single heartbeat where Craig’s life would be changed forever, for the worse, something happened. Something within the vast depths of the universe heard his plea and a single beam pierced the air, bathing Craig in its warm glow.

It was impossibly white. It was blinding. It was jarring. And before the heartbeat had completed its second thud, everything went blank.

 

**

Which brought Craig to the present moment.

At first he thought he was hallucinating, but the jolt in his arms when he tried to move them told him otherwise. As did the feeling of a hard floor squashed against his cheek.

Bewildered, he glanced as his wrists and found them bound by what looked like a thin beam of light. Acting on instinct, he tested the bindings and found them to be faintly warm and not as uncomfortable as metal.

He might have been alarmed by being tied if not for the fact that he was clearly lying on the floor of an alien spaceship. That was considerably more alarming and very much dominated his thoughts in that moment.

It was utterly surreal. Years and years of consuming all the sci-fi material he could get his grubby hands on couldn’t have prepared him for _this._

Where Craig had been expecting flashing lights and pullable levers, he found only clean, curved lines and minimalism. The spaceship may as well of been built by Germans, for all the flamboyance it had. Distantly he was glad that he’d never considered going into being an engineering consultant on a film set because this was the last sort of look he would have come up with. The metal wasn’t even _grey_. It was a sort of pearl shade. Craig was pretty sure he had seen that colour in abundance in Ikea.

Stupefied, Craig continued to scan his surroundings. Despite the energy-based cuffs, he didn’t seem to be restrained in any other way. He certainly wasn’t strapped down to a surgical table with his ass in the air. In fact, despite not being an expert in the slightest, a quick assessment of his immediate vicinity told him that he was probably in some sort of cargo hold.

His feet were unbound at least. Shuffling, he moved to sit up. Half of him expected to be hit by a wave of pain, but to his surprise he just felt… normal. He felt completely and utterly normal. Cuffs and spaceship aside.

His musings were interrupted a moment later when an electronic whooshing sound filled the room. His head jerked up just in time to see the shape of something distinctly organic approaching through the suddenly-revealed doorway.

For a moment Craig forgot to breathe. Panic and excitement tumbled in his gut, making his heart thud and squeeze painfully in his chest.

What followed was a rapid series of assessments and re-assessments.

The first thing Craig established was that his captor’s figure was distinctly humanoid: two legs, two arms, a torso and a head, all roughly proportional to his own. As the creature stepped nearer, more became apparent, equally breathtaking and terrifying. Two eyes, a nose with two nostrils, a mouth with lips.

There was a disappointing lack of tentacles, but given that Craig was possibly one of the only humans to ever meet an alien, he considered it an enormous blessing that the alien in question was actually pretty cute.

At a glance, the alien could be mistaken for human. That was at least until one did more than just glance. A moment’s stare was all it took to notice the very _not_ human traits the creature possessed. Like the birdnest hair that was too yellow to be called blond. The goat-slit golden eyes set against black sclera. And the green tinge to it’s skin. _Definitely_ the two, adorable antenna that poked up out of the top of it’s head, drooping down over wild locks of hair like the stems of wilted flowers. The elfin sweep of his pointed ears looked almost normal in comparison.

Despite the differences though, the creature looked distinctly male to Craig. At least he hoped so. It would be a major disappointment if he was having a close encounter with a species that had mastered self-reproduction.

“Uh,” Craig said, finding his voice and immediately wincing over the fact that his first word to an alien civilisation was ‘ _uh’._

Swallowing heavily, Craig sucked in a breath and tried again. “Hello.”

The alien said nothing in return, scrutinising Craig with narrowed eyes. Craig felt nervous sweat trickle down his back in response. He didn’t feel like he was in immediate danger, but he still grows more cautious.

“I come in peace?” He tried. Not that _he_ was the visitor here, but it seemed to work in movies. “I uh, I mean no harm. I’m but a uh, ambassador I guess? Of earth? I mean I know you picked me up in a field but I study astronomy and I’ve read a lot about SETI so I guess I’m kind of qualified?”

Still the alien said nothing, continuing to regard him with that steady share.

Craig bit his lip, growing less sure by the minute. “Thank you, by the way. For picking me up I mean. I thought you wouldn’t notice me,” Craig said. He’d never been good at small talk. He’d never _needed_ to do small talk in his fantasies. _There_ the alien had been utterly unable to resist his charm and would ravage him at first sight. They didn’t glare at him like he was a piece of trash they’d picked up during hyperspace travel. “Look, I’m no good at talking. And I realise that I’m talking English to you like you have any idea what the fuck I’m saying-”

The alien cut him off before he could embarrass himself further. It’s expression seemed to relax minutely as a barking sound jumped out of its mouth. A barking sound that reminded Craig a lot of human laughter.

“We have the technology to travel faster than the speed of light, and you think we don’t have universal translators?” The alien said in a tone of disbelief. Definitely masculine in pitch too though.

Oh great. The alien _had_ been laughing at him. Craig couldn’t even catch a break with an alien captor.

“Why were you just letting me say all that shit then?” Craig protested, coming disgustingly close to whiny. “You could have said something!”

“Why should I have to?” The alien responded, sounding annoyed. “You’re the one who’s been stalking me. What’s your problem, man!?”

“Stalking..?” Craig trailed off, bewildered. “I didn’t even know aliens were really out there until tonight!”

“Sure you didn’t!” The alien bit back. It held its hand up and suddenly a beautifully rendered image of Craig was displayed against the hull. In it, he was holding up his ‘TAKE ME WITH YOU’ sign. The alien swished his hand and another image slid across, this time showing Craig with the “COME FOR ME” sign (Craig had liked that one. Had celebrated himself for such a slick double entendre.)

“I’ve been trying to do my damned job and you keep showing up, begging me to take you with me. What’s your deal?” The alien demanded shrilly.

Craig fell silent. How on earth was he supposed to explain that he was after alien dick this entire time? He’d been half expecting to be dissected, not accused of being some sort of creepy stalker to an alien visitor. It made him feel sort of embarrassed.

“I’m not- I don’t have a _deal_ okay? I’m just… an enthusiast,” he said. It’s not entirely a lie, anyway.

“Enthusiast? I bet you are. I bet you can’t wait to take me apart and see how I work, and then steal all this technology!” The alien shrieked, pointing an accusatory finger at him. For a moment, Craig allowed himself to admire that finger, finding it delightfully nobbly. He shivered at the thought of how good that probably felt, pressed inside him.

“No!” Craig protested, trying to dismiss his rogue thoughts. He needed to focus up. He could wind up dead here. “I have no interest in harming you. I just… I’ve always wanted to meet someone like you. You’re kind of everything I’ve been looking for in life,” Craig admitted. He didn’t want to reflect on how sad that sounded.

The alien’s frown didn’t let up, but it’s posture seemed to at least relax a little. “Why? There’s seven-point-six-three billion of you on Earth. Surely you can find _someone_ interesting enough to satisfy your curiosity.”

At that, Craig laughed a little. The sound seemed to surprise the alien enough to relax him even further. “Nah,” Craig said. “I’m not exactly what most people consider _normal_. But I’m sure you’ve realised that by now.”

The alien shifted, folding its arms over his chest. To Craig, the pose looked a little defensive. “Yeah, I kind of know what you mean.”

Craig’s heart tugged in his chest. Fuck, this alien was hot, _and_ they were connecting. How the fuck was this even possible? The odds of such an encounter seemed more and more miraculous by the nanosecond.

“My name’s Craig,” he tried. “I promise I’m not a threat. And I didn’t mean to come across as creepy. I just… really wanted to meet someone like you.”

The alien’s eyes narrowed again as it regarded Craig in a mistrustful up-down flick of his eyes. After a moment, it nodded, relaxing a fraction once again.

“Well, you seem to think that’s the truth anyway, since your vitals show no signs that indicate you’re lying,” it said. “I guess I can tell you my name, since we’re apparently doing that. It’s Tweek.”

“Tweek?” Craig echoed, tossing the sound of it in his mouth.

“Urgh, you’re not saying it right, but I guess you’re only human. You’re not used to such nuances,” Tweek complained. “But yes, Tweek. _Craig_ sounds as weird to me as my name does to you, I assure you.”

“I don’t think it’s weird. I think it’s cute,” Craig said, mouth moving before his brain had a chance to filter his word choice.

“You find my name attractive?” Tweek said, confused. “You really are an odd one.”

“Uh, yeah I guess,” Craig said. He felt a blush developing. He really was fucked up if even an _alien_ was calling him odd. “Hey, um, my back hurts. Do you think I could get my hands back?”

Tweek regarded him, eyes still slit with mistrust. “I’ll let you stand, but the cuffs stay on. You humans can be violent and you like to prod first, ask questions later.”

Craig’s flush darkened at Tweek’s choice of words, but wisely he kept his mouth shut this time.

Finally, Tweek moved forward. As he (and Craig decided that he was a _he,_ because his balls sure as hell wouldn’t be tingling for anything _else_ ) approached, Craig took the opportunity of the closer proximity to admire the details of Tweek’s face and body. He was surprisingly broad-shouldered. His arms looked a fraction longer than Craig’s, and his collarbone was to die for. He even _smelled_ good, despite Craig being completely unable to place what his scent _was._

The cuffs made a small clunking noise and suddenly Craig’s arms felt freer. Tentatively, he raised his hands and found that he could.

“You don’t have to be afraid,” Tweek said when he leant back. “We have a strong code against harming less-developed beings.”

“I’m not afraid,” Craig answered, mouth too dry.

“Your heartbeat has picked up and your body has increased signs of stress,” Tweek told him matter-of-factly.

Craig could only pull a pained expression in response. This was a whole hell of a lot more awkward in real life than in fantasy. For one, he wasn’t even sure if Tweek’s species even fucked. Or had any appendages to fuck _with_. For two, Craig was giving off some pretty strong signals here. A human guy would have picked them up and whisked him away to the men’s bathroom by now.

“I can’t believe how _human_ you look,” Craig murmured instead, jerking his eyes away and passing his blatant eyeing-up as innocent wonder.

“I don’t look _human_ ,” Tweek huffed, looking annoyed as he set his hands on his hips. “We both just fit the same mould. Nature gets lazy, you know. It finds a shape that works and then it sticks with it. Most people in the universe look like this, more or less.”

“No shit?” Craig said, rolling his shoulders back, wincing as they popped. “I figured there’d be all sorts of shapes and sizes.”

Tweek shrugged. “On oxygen-rich planets you might get bigger guys, but order is all about efficiency. What works, wins. Wow, you humans really _are_ far behind the rest of us if you haven’t figured that out. Earth is richly inhabited. You’ve got more than enough there to help you figure the basics out. Hell, you’ve even got extraterrestrial samples you’re pulling apart, and still don’t get it.”

“Give us a break,” Craig muttered sulkily. “Some of us are more progressive than the rest.” _And some of us want to fuck you,_ Craig’s brain unhelpfully added.

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Tweek snorted.

Feeling a little insulted, Craig drew his knees up and squared his shoulders. “Well if we’re so hopeless and so shitty, why’d you take _me?_ ”

Tweek’s mouth dropped open in response. “What?” He shrieked. “You ran after my ship, shouting at me to take you!”

“Yeah! So why _did_ you?” Craig shot back.

Tweek seemed to flounder for a moment. “I-” he started. Shaking his head, his face creased into an adorable scowl. “I haven’t figured that out yet,” he admitted in a lower tone of voice.

“Do you often take humans?” Craig asked. Another thought hits him and his voice dropped to a whisper. “Are you going to get me _pregnant?”_ He asked with so much eagerness in his voice that, later, when not faced with these circumstances, he’d really like to take _that_ one apart.

“I thought you were _male?”_ Tweek responded, eyes widening before darting back to his holographic screen.

“I _am_! I just thought-”

“What? That just because I have vastly superior technology I’d go around impregnating dudes? I mean sure, I could fix you up a uterus if you wanted one, but I would just _do_ that. That’s unethical, man!” Tweek said, waving his hands to emphasise his point.

“Oh,” Craig said, dumbfounded. A feeling suspiciously like disappointment began to creep up on him. “Well aren’t you at least going to anally probe me?” He asked, trying to keep the desperation out of his voice.

Tweek’s eyes bulged. “ _What_?” He shrieked. “I have scanners! _Why_ would I want to stick a probe in your ass?”

God fucking _damn it_ all. Against impossible odds, Craig -the only human on earth who wanted to get boned by an alien- was getting blue-balled. After all of _this,_  nothing was going to go inside him. His ass clenched in frustration.

“Look if you don’t want to probe me, and I’m not interesting to you _why_ did you abduct me?” Craig demanded, hurt feelings driving him to at illogically.

“I already told you! I didn’t _abduct_ you,” Tweek snapped. “You _begged_ me to to take you with me. I haven’t exactly thought this shit through!”

“Yeah well, I wanted to get fucked by an alien. Trust me to find the only alien who doesn’t want to stick a probe in my ass,” Craig said sulkily.

“Again, I have _scanners!_ And just because you humans struggle with concepts like consent doesn’t mean the rest of the universe does-” Tweek stopped mid-rant, eyes bulging out in shock. “Wait, you want me to _what?”_

“Fuck. Or I don’t know, _mate_ or whatever your people call it,” Craig muttered dejectedly, idly kicking at the side of the console closest to him. “I know, I’m weird and I’m an idiot, you don’t have to tell me. I’m sure I’m absolutely repulsive to you and you want to dump me in a field somewhere. It’s fine. It's not like I have an ego left to crush.”

“Well maybe you shouldn’t objectify every visitor you have to your planet,” Tweek frowned. “And why in space Hell would you think I find you repulsive?”

Craig shrugged. “Well look at you. You’re beautiful and by my planet’s standards I’m a six at best.”

Tweek stared at him in response. Beneath the faint green of his skin, a blue-ish stain spread across his cheeks nose. Almost too late, Craig realised that Tweek was blushing.

“Dude, I am not beautiful by my people’s standards, trust me. And maybe it’s because I don’t study humans too closely, but you’re pretty attractive to _me,_ you know?”

Craig swallowed. Deciding to go for broke, seeing as he was already on an alien spaceship, having a very pleasant conversation with a gorgeous green guy, Craig leant in slightly and brushed his foot against Tweek’s.

“So uh, do your people ever engage in same-sex, um, _relations_?” Craig asked. “Uh, I mean I’m assuming that you’re male too. No offence if I’ve got that wrong.”

“What else would I be?” Tweek cocked an eyebrow at him, puzzled. “And wait. Do your people _not?_ ”

Craig swallowed again. Hard. Despite being fairly certain that he was taller than Tweek, he felt positively tiny under that golden gaze.

Tweek blinked, eyes jerking to a monitor that flickered up before their bodies. “Oh!” He said. “The scanners show that you are very aroused.”

Craig’s stomach flip-flopped in agreement. “Uhuh,” he breathed. “Is that weird.”

“Kinda,” Tweek said. “Humans are usually afraid in these situations. Or at least feel regret. They’re not usually-”

“Horny?” Craig finished. He moved closer, brushing against Tweek’s ankle with less subtlety this time.

“Huh,” Tweek said, glancing down at him and studying Craig’s face. “Your weird, round pupils are really dilated.”

“Yeah,” Craig croaked, cock starting to stiffen in his pants. “I’m aware of that. Is inter-species mating unethical to your people, Tweek?” He asked, breathy.

Tweek continued to stare down at him. For a moment, Craig worried that it was just idle interest. But then a purple tongue darted out from between Tweek’s lips, wetting the lower.

“Uh,” Tweek said in a grunt. “Not really… although we generally don’t… don’t mess around with less-developed societies.”

“Would you maybe want to be a pioneer?” Craig asked. He parted his knees, letting them drop open slightly in invitation. He honest to God had no idea what he was getting himself into, but if he did at least one thing of value in his life, fucking an alien was at least a hell of a way to go out.

“I, uh,” Tweek responded, dazed as his eyes followed the lines of Craig’s legs. “I mean-” he shook himself slightly, visibly forcing himself to focus up. “Okay, I need you to be clear here. Are you suggesting we have sex?”

Craig almost laughed. Was this alien seriously checking for consent? “Yes, Tweek. I’m suggesting we have sex. I’ve been waiting for this moment for eight years and maybe I’m just a no one from a backwater planet to you, but if I can do this for humankind, I’ll have done something good with my life.”

“Well,” Tweek husked, breaking off to clear his throat. “Well I mean I guess seeing if we’re biologically compatible is _one_ way to run tests on your species.”

“Right?” Craig quickly agreed. He could see from the monitor how much his heart rate was picking up.

“And I mean, if it works it could possibly be a huge first step to building official relations,” Tweek continued, moving to kneel before Craig, eyes roving over his body.

“ _Huge._ Monumental,” Craig breathed, chest rising and falling as pinpricks of anticipation set his every nerve ending alight.

“It could usher in a whole new era for this quadrant,” Tweek said, slowly reaching out to slide a hand over Craig’s knee. It was the first time they’d touched and Craig is electrified by it. “We’d be heroes.”

“Heroes,” Craig echoed, biting his lip as the hand brushed the inside of his knee. “And it’d be my chance to show not all of us are xenophobic.”

“Yeah,” Tweek nodded, although his eyes looked faraway. “Definitely not xenophobic.”

“You’re warm,” Craig said, unable to focus on much other than the hand slowly exploring his inner thigh.

“Did you think I’d be cold blooded? It’s too reliant on solar energy. Inefficient,” Tweek responded distractedly, crawling to lean over Craig, hand moving up to Craig’s hip.

Craig would love to learn more about the makeup of the universes sentient races, but he had other things on his mind in that moment. Without any thought, he looped his cuffed hands around the back of Tweek’s neck and dragged him up for a hungry kiss.

As soon as their lips collided Tweek pulled back. For a moment Craig’s heart stuttered in his chest, disappointment seizing it in an icy grip.

“Is this that thing humans do when they lick each other’s tongues?” Tweek asked, sounding somewhere between confused and intrigued.

Craig looked up at him, stunned for a moment before he uttered a small laugh. “Yeah, it’s called kissing. Don’t your people use your mouths during sex?”

“Not so much,” Tweek breathed. “We tend to use our genitalia.”

“Yeah, we do too, but the mouth is full of nerve-endings, so kissing feels nice to us. Amongst other things,” Craig explained. To demonstrate his point, he leant up and pecked Tweek softly on the lips.

Tweek remained still, as if taking a moment to legitimately process this information. “The mouth is full of germs,” he said. “So it seems illogical. But then it’s also quite sensitive so maybe I’ll give it a try.”

“Mmm,” Craig hummed, busy dropping light kisses to Tweek’s lips and chin. “Maybe you should. For _science_ , and _diplomacy_ and all that other shit we said earlier.”

That seemed to convince Tweek well enough. A moment later he had tipped his head and was very firmly pressing his lips against Craig’s.

With a little more coaxing, Craig’s tongue managed to part Tweek’s lips. When he slipped his tongue inside he was surprised to find that Tweek’s tongue was smoother than a human’s. Slightly more pointed too. It lit a fire deep in Craig’s belly and tore a groan from his throat when he thought about it pressed against his asshole.

To his delight, Tweek moaned in delight. Although his kiss was sloppy and unpracticed, it didn’t lack in enthusiasm and willingness to learn. He picked up the hang of it easy enough, rolling and rubbing his tongue against Craig’s as their lips smacked together noisily.

With his hands bound, Craig was forced to use his legs instead, shifting suddenly to wrap them around Tweek’s waist. With a tug, he pulled Tweek’s hips down atop his own and lifted his hips to meet him in an excited rut. And then he froze, body going cold.

“Uh,” he said in a voice full of sex as he broke free of their kiss. “I thought you were male?”

Tweek looked down, equally bewildered. “I am. What the hell was that?”

“That’s what I’m asking _you_ ,” Craig insisted. “There’s nothing there.”

“I can assure you that there _is_ . But more importantly, what the fuck was that lump?” Tweek asked. As if _Craig_ was the insane one.

“My dick?” Craig said, confused.

Tweek blinked. Cautiously he leant to one side and reached down to cup his hand over the front of Craig’s jeans, drawing a startled hiss from Craig. “It’s already ready to engage?”

“Well _yeah_ ,” Craig gasped. “I mean I’m pretty fucking horny, Tweek.”

“I’m horny too, asshole,” Tweek bit back. “But I at least wait until I’ve taken my pants off before I engage it.”

“Wait, wait,” Craig panted. He frowned, looking down Tweek’s body, but it didn’t tell him anything useful. “You mean you _consciously choose_ to make your dick hard?”

“Hard?” Tweek frowned. “What are you- Oh.”

“Oh?” Craig said. He didn’t like the sound of _Oh. “_ What Oh? What does _Oh_ mean?”

“I’m just remembering human anatomy,” Tweek said. “I mean I knew the basics when we started this… _this_ but uh, I kind of forgot about how it works for you. Um.”

Craig took a moment to breathe. He kept his arms tight around Tweek’s shoulders, lest he try to escape. “Okay, we’re wired differently. That’s okay. When there’s a will there’s a way, right?”

Tweek relaxed under his grip a little. “Yeah… we need to test this, right?” He did move then, ducking out from under Craig’s arms, despite Craig’s protests. “Look, feel free to say no but can I take off your pants? I want to take a look at it.”

Craig’s mouth went dry once again. He nodded so eagerly he felt like his head might fall off. “Yeah. Yeah that’s fine.”

Tweek sat back and studied him for a moment before setting his hands to work. It didn’t take him any time to figure out the button and zip, dragging it down and tugging at the waist of Craig’s jeans. Craig lifted his hips to help and in a whoosh of cold air and the slap of his heavy cock on his belly, he was laid bare before his alien captor.

Tweek’s eyes went wide and his jaw went slack. He didn’t look horrified though, so Craig still held some hope.

“Is it _always_ outside your body like this?” Tweek breathed, unashamedly staring.

“Well yeah,” Craig answered, trying not to feel self-conscious. “Well not like _this_ . It grows and stiffens when I’m sexually aroused. Or excited. Or sometimes for no reason at all, really. But it gets hard like _this_ when I’m horny.”

Without warning, Tweek reached out and cupped his balls in one long-fingered hand. Craig had to bite back an embarrassing cry. “Are these your testicles? They’re outside _too_?”

“Yes,” Craig gasped. Tweek immediately let go as if he was scalded and Craig moaned at the loss. “No! No you can keep touching them. It’s uh, erotic,” he explained. “But uh yeah. Outside. All the time.”

“But doesn’t that leave you vulnerable?” Tweek asked, intrigued. His curiosity lead him to gently roll them in his palm, rubbing his smooth-skinned thumb over the shape of them.

“Oh god,” Craig whimpers, tossing his head back. “Yeah… yeah they’re vulnerable. If someone kicked me there, I’d know.”

“You humans are built so strangely,” Tweek commented. “But they feel nice to hold. Warm and fuzzy. It’s nice.”

“Yeah, definitely nice for me too,” Craig said, breathlessly agreeing.

“And this is a human penis, huh?” Tweek said, skirting his fingers up to the base of Craig’s shaft. “It’s so funny-looking. Is that really all it can do?”

“What do you mean?” Craig frowned. Concentration was difficult to say the least.

“I mean it’s just lying there and twitching a little. Doesn’t it move?” Tweek asked, genuinely interested.

“It can move a little on its own, but it’s just a muscle. It’s made to penetrate. My hips are supposed to do most of the work,” Craig explained. Above all else he wanted the hand gently touching the base to wrap around him and jerk him into oblivion.

“Huh,” Tweek said. “That’s so weird.”

“Well, how does it work for you?” Craig asked. And by God was he ever eager to find out.

Tweek sat up then. For a long moment, he looked unsure, but then he focussed up and nodded cutely.

“Okay,” he said, shifting to sit up on his knees and mess with the front of his own trousers. “But don’t scream hysterically or anything, okay. Yours was weird for me too.”

Craig held his breath, heart thudding with excitement as Tweek worked his pants open and stood up, kicking them off. As his flesh was revealed, Craig’s anticipation melted into confusion.

It looked like nothing was there. For a heart-stopping moment Craig felt a wave of disappointment run through him. But then there was movement. Slowly, curiously, and snake-like something untucked itself and reared up to greet him. It was wider at the base -thicker than a human cock- and it moved like an eel. It looked strongly muscled. Smooth on top and bumpy on the underside, where it seemed to be flushed darker. The tapered tip flicked casually and Craig could make out a faint slit perched right at the very end.

It was a tentacle. It was a foot-long tentacle sprouting out of his soon-to-be alien lover’s crotch.

“Oh my God,” Craig breathed, trembling at the sight of it.

“Dude, come on,” Tweek flushed, looking annoyed. “See this is what I hate about humans. I didn’t freak about _yours_ even though yours is basically useless.”

“Oh my God, it’s _perfect_ ,” Craig said, barely hearing. His eyes feasted on it, images of putting it in his mouth and taking it in his ass running vividly through his mind.

“What? Seriously?” Tweek asked, disbelieving and perhaps a little hopeful.

“Jesus Christ. _Yes_ ,” Craig nodded, clambering awkwardly to his knees. He reached out to touch, drawing his hand back when Tweek’s cock reached out to meet him in return. “Is… oh my god. Is it prehensile?”

“Yeah,” Tweek said. “It’s just another limb to me, like my arm. Although I guess when I’m really excited it can have a mind of its own.”

“How do you uh… I mean how do you make it feel nice?” Craig asked lamely.

“Oh,” Tweek said, jolting on the spot. He looked faintly embarrassed as his cock reared back a bit to reveal the bumpy underside. “Well it’s sensitive underneath. That’s where all the nerves are. Oh, and the tip too. So I kind of find something to wrap it around, or I rub it.”

Rubbing it sounded so universal, but it looked nothing like the choke and grasp technique Craig used on his own. Lower down he wouldn’t even be able to get much of a grip at all.

“Do you have testicles?” Craig asked, self-indulgently eyeing up Tweek’s appendage.

“Of course I do. I’m a man. They’re just inside my body. Where it’s _safe_ ,” Tweek added with an unnecessarily accusatory tone in his voice.

Weird. Super weird. Craig liked other men’s ballsacks quite a lot, but it seemed like a fair sacrifice if it meant he got to take _this_ thing out for a spin.

“Okay, point taken. My balls are dumb,” Craig huffed.

“Not dumb,” Tweek responded. “I told you that I like them. I think they’re weird, but cute.”

Despite how stupid the words were, Craig felt a flush of pleasure and pride over the words. Feeling appreciated wasn’t something he experienced very often on Earth. Having a hot, extra-terrestrial being tell him that parts of him were nice mattered to him more than it should have. Even if he _was_ the only human Tweek had ever laid his hands on (or at least, he assumed).

Buoyed by his newfound sense of confidence, Craig reached out to gently run his fingertips up the underside of Tweek’s tentacle dick. He watched carefully as Tweek drew in a shaky breath, but didn’t move to stop him.

“Do you ejaculate out of it?” Craig said around a wheezy exhale, enchanted as the tip of Tweek’s tentacle dipped to stroke his wrist.

“W-well yeah,” Tweek said, equally as breathless. “How else would we get semen inside a female?”

“Or a male in my case?” Craig returned, sending Tweek a small smile.

Tweek took a moment to respond, staring down at Craig with wide, intense eyes. “Ohgod,” he spluttered after a couple of seconds had passed. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re kind of a slut?”

Craig flushed dark, his cock bobbing between his legs. “Yes,” he said. “Plenty of times. Does that bother you?”

“I’m pretty sure it doesn’t,” Tweek said, throat contracting as he swallowed noisily.

“Can I put it in my mouth?” Craig asked, still tickling the underside up and down.

At the motion and the words both, Tweek’s dick danced with delight, straightening out and wiggling wildly towards Craig’s face. “Oh god, calm down,” Tweek muttered weakly, seeming to be embarrassed by the display from his cock. “Uh, sure. Just don’t use teeth. It’s sensitive.”

“Trust me, using teeth is a pretty big no-no with human cocks too,” Craig said, eyeing the appendage hungrily as he shuffled closer on his knees. His hands were still bound, adding to the helplessness that he found such a turn-on.

Using the bindings to his advantage, Craig cupped his hands around it, stroking the base with both hands in a gesture that was at least vaguely familiar. He was no stranger to being on his knees anyway. Just because the shape, texture, nature and probably _taste_ would be different, it didn’t mean that he had no idea what he was doing.

Even so, up close a foot of cock suddenly looked a lot bigger. Despite his adamance at not being a quitter, for the first time since he’d woken up on board a spaceship, Craig felt something that felt a little bit like nervousness creep into his gut.

“I uh,” he started, coughing to rid the wobble in his voice. “Yours is a bit… bigger than a human dick so I uh. I mean I’m not bad at deepthroating but I mean. I might uh,” he broke off, looking back up at Tweek, whose expression had shifted to one of interest. And possibly a little concern. “I might… choke.”

Tweek’s expression shifted to one of mild surprise. “Dude, I’m not expecting you to take it all in. There’s only very few species who _could_. Most of us just lick the tip, man.”

“What?” Craig squinted up at him. Jesus he could at least do more than _that_. Thank God the bar was set so low for Tweek after all. “Okay? So why is the entire underside erogenous?”

“I told you. It’s all in the rubbing. Males tend to wraps theirs around each other and rub them together, or if you’re doing it with a female you’d-”

“I’m not interested in females,” Craig interrupted, shifting on his heels as the imagery sent a hot wave through him that settled in a knot somewhere between his balls and his asshole. “Tell me about how guys do it.”

Tweek frowned again, looking vaguely embarrassed. “Alright, but you’re coming across as a bit of a perv- oh,” he broke off, stuttering to a halt when Craig trailed a slow lick up the underside of his tentacle, tongue trailing over the odd bumps it found there. “Oh fuck.”

Craig paused, drawing his tongue back into his mouth, curious over the taste. It didn’t taste the same as a human cock, that was for certain. Not bad though. Kind of like how he’d imagined a dolphin tasted, except not as salty. “Tell me about how males fuck.”

“It’s just, ah-” Tweek broke off again as Craig started licking at the underside. Sucking in a breath and gritting his teeth, he continued. “We find a guy we like the look of, go somewhere private and touch and grind, I guess. We wrap our dicks together and rub and squeeze until we finish.”

Craig pulled back, studying Tweek’s face as Tweek’s dick caressed the side of his cheek, eager for more attention. “You don’t stick it in?”

“Stick it in _where_?” Tweek asked, watching closely as Craig tilted his head to press kisses along his tentacle.

“In each other’s ass? Or have you got some other orifice to put it in?” Craig said, backing up a bit to lap at the very tip of it. Tweek curled over him in response, suddenly gripping his hair. Craig quickly filed that away under key information and continued his assault.

“Wh-what is it with you and asses?” Tweek said breathlessly. “Don’t you shit from there?”

“Yeah,” Craig said, using his thumbs to keep Tweek’s dick stimulated as he spoke. “But humans are built weird. We have a lot of nerves in there and it’s clean enough if you take care. It’s one of the ways men fuck on my planet.”

“Okay,” Tweek said. “I guess if it feels good then it’s fine, right? I’ve seen something like that before a few times anyway.”

“You have?” Craig smirked, amused by the implication.

“Are you going to show me your human skills, or not?” Tweek huffed. His cock flicked impatiently to emphasise his point.

Craig nodded eagerly, going straight for gold and taking the tip of it into his mouth. Above him Tweek groaned in what could only be a good sound. Encouraged by it, Craig sucked on it, almost dropping it in surprise when it thrashed happily inside his mouth and against his tongue. Determined not to let his species down, Craig forged on, using his tongue to dance with the tip as it wriggled about in delight. When he sucked, Tweek made louder noises and gripped his hair more insistently. Tweek’s dick didn’t stop moving, undulating and sliding against him like an over-excited snake. With what Craig couldn’t fit in his mouth -and there was a _lot_ of it- Craig used his fingers and thumbs to tickle and rub.

His own cock throbbed between his legs as their awkward, but amusing conversation gave way to slick sounds and Tweek’s breathy grunts. His bound hands reminded him that he couldn’t do much about it, which only served to turn him on more. This was really happening. He was really sucking on a warm, firm and faintly rubbery tentacle. And better still, the tentacle seemed really, _really_ happy about it.

With a gradual realisation, Craig became aware that his hands were moving on Tweek’s cock more easily. His mouth too.

His eyes widened. Pulling off suddenly with a splutter, Craig stared up at Tweek in disbelief. “Are you growing _wet_?”

“What?” Tweek breathed, peering down at Craig with bleary eyes.

“That’s not all spit,” Craig said, rubbing his hands easily up and down his shaft, thumbs following bumps and ridges. “You’re _wet_.”

“Are you on about my natural lubricant?” Tweek asked, looking slightly confused. Or as confused as someone wearing a blissed-out expression could. “Are you stupid? Of course I am. I’m _horny_.”

If Craig wasn’t already totally in love with with this scenario then that would have sealed the deal. Slick and slightly slimy, Tweek’s undulating dick pushed easily through his hands and against his lips. The knot between Craig’s balls and his asshole tightened to almost unbearable levels.

“It’d get sore and chafe if it didn’t,” Tweek was saying. Craig had been so infatuated that he hadn’t even been listening.

“Tweek,” Craig said suddenly, cutting off whatever he was rambling on about.

“What?” Tweek said, eyes narrowed. Craig appeased him a moment later by dragging his tongue slowly up the underside.

“I want you to finish inside me,” Craig said. Well. More begged. He’d spent more years of his life than he’d care to admit to thirsting after alien cock. And now here it was, slick and undulating against his lips. It was a dream come true and his asshole couldn’t wait much longer.

Tweek’s eyes glanced over him. Despite knowing that he didn’t hold a candle to the exquisite form that Tweek presented, Craig sat back on his heels and spread his legs. His own cock bobbed expectantly and heavy between his legs. It looked like a sad sausage compared to the glory of Tweek’s tentacle but it was Craig’s. He was only human, after all.

“Okay,” Tweek said slowly. Craig hoped it was out of unquenchable lust and desire, and not because he felt sorry for him. “But what if I hurt you?”

Craig’s heart flopped like a landed fish in his chest. His fantasies about alien dick had been colourful to say the least, but he hadn’t dared to expect his interstellar lover to be _courteous_.

“You won’t,” Craig said with far more conviction than he really should, given as this was totally uncharted ground. “We’ll just take it slow. I’ll tell you if you’re hurting me.”

“Okay,” Tweek said again, sounding unsure.

Seeking to reassure Tweek -and appreciating that he really was the one pushing here- Craig slid his hands firmly and confidently up against the underside of Tweek’s cock. He swept from base to tip in a slow squeeze that had Tweek’s eyes fluttering. Pulling his hands away, Craig tested the sensation between his thumb and forefinger, satisfied when he found it a satisfactory replacement for bottled lubrication.

Letting his hands drop away, Craig leant back in and rose back fully onto his knees. He opened his mouth, letting his tongue slip out to provide an enticing cushion for the tapered tip of Tweek’s prick. Whether acting on Tweek’s guidance, or its own, the tentacle gladly accepted, rubbing itself gently against the flat of his tongue and tracing the roof of his mouth. He glanced up to gauge Tweek’s reaction and found him looking happy enough.

He had to dip his shoulder to be able to reach his asshole, his bound hands adding a whole new element of difficulty. He tried not to interrupt Tweek’s pleasure too much, although slipping a fingertip inside himself was awkward what with the angle. Still, it popped in easy enough, leading Craig to release a soft sigh of relief over the fact that the lube was more than adequate.

“What are you doing?” Tweek asked suddenly, dragging Craig’s attention back from the finger in his ass and the cock on his tongue.

“I’m getting myself ready for you,” Craig grunted, licking his lips when Tweek seized him by the hair and pressed his face against his dick.

“Getting yourself ready?” Tweek said. Although he didn’t sound much different to before, from the eye that wasn’t blocked by Tweek’s dick, Craig could see that Tweek was looking down at him hotly.

Craig whimpered needily as Tweek’s grip in his hair tightened and he rubbed his smooth dick up and down against Craig’s cheek, leaving a slick trail there. Craig turned his head, kissing it as it moved, and allowing his tongue to slip out to chase the texture of him. “Uhuh,” he grunted, eyes hooded as a maddening desire coursed through him.

Suddenly Tweek pushed him back, chest rising and falling almost as quickly as Craig’s. “Show me,” he said in a tone that Craig hoped was _demanding_.

Nodding quickly, Craig shifted around on his knees and leant forward, bending himself almost in half. Carefully, he rested his cheek on the ground for balance and reached up under himself with his bound hands. He spread his legs, shameless. He’d done the same for many men before, but in that moment he would have given anything to make Tweek the only man he would ever do this for ever again.

Vulnerable and open, Craig reached up, prodding gently at his asshole. He wasn’t sure if Tweek would enjoy a show, but he chanced it anyway, running his fingers firmly up and down his taint and moaning as the sensation caused his vision to swirl. He reached his balls and played with them gently, remembering that Tweek said he liked them. He couldn’t see Tweek’s reaction. It was simultaneously erotic and terrifying. If Tweek turned away from him now, Craig would probably eject himself out of the cargo hatch.

When no sounds of disgust or rejection came, Craig trailed his fingers back up, circling his asshole once before confidently sliding two fingers inside himself up to the second knuckle. When no word came to stop him, he took a shuddery breath and thrust them back and forth as much as the bindings on his hands would allow. It was a familiar sensation and one he lost himself to quickly. His body relaxed, despite the anxious excitement prickling at his skin. He bit his lip wondering if Tweek found this erotic, or obscene. Fascinating, or tedious.

“Craig,” Tweek said suddenly. Craig immediately stopped, shaken by the realisation that it was the first time Tweek had called him by name. Unsure as to what that meant, Craig angled his head so he could peer over his shoulder.

Tweek was staring at him, tentacle throbbing and thrashing at his crotch. The hungry look on his face gave Craig little doubt as to how Tweek was feeling about this entire scenario. Craig moaned in response, ass clenching beseechingly.

And then suddenly Tweek was draped over him, pressed up against his back like he didn’t want to leave a millimetre of space between them. His tentacle reared and stroked up against Craig’s balls and cock, pulling a desperate cry from Craig’s throat. Eager hands pushed Craig’s away and Craig immediately snatched them back, reaching down to push Tweek’s cock against his own.

“Tell me if I’m doing it wrong,” Tweek husked in his ear, hot breath puffing against him and stirring his hair.

Before Craig had much chance to ask what he meant, he felt Tweek slip a pair of fingers inside him and oh _God_ he’d been right about how nobbly they were. He stared ahead, fixing his gaze on the join between the wall and the door, knowing that if he closed his eyes he’d lose it and blow his load all over the floor of the spacecraft. And he’d been waiting too damned long for this. He wasn’t about to blow it literally and figuratively before it had even really started.

And so he stared and moaned helplessly as Tweek’s inquisitive fingers poked, and stroked, and prodded inside him, mapping out a scorching path within him.

“Tweek,” he gasped however long later. “Tweek I’m good to go. Please for the love of God put it in me.”

“Just to clarify, by _it_ you mean my dick?” Tweek breathed against him.

“Oh my _God. Yes!_ ” Craig wailed. “Fuck me with it.”

“Okay, okay,” Tweek said, sounding like someone caught between excitement and terror. “I’ve never done this before though, so you gotta say if I fuck up, okay?”

Craig barely held himself back from shouting at him, but reigned himself back in just in time. No matter how frustrated he was, he still appreciated that the guy didn’t want to hurt him.

“Just… just go slow okay? We’ll figure it out,” Craig says, panting.

“Okay,” Tweek said from somewhere over his shoulder. Craig felt him straighten up behind him and bit his lip in anticipation as the slimy tip of Tweek’s tentacle wriggled eagerly against his asshole. And oh Jesus, Mary, Joseph and God Almighty himself, it was _nothing_ like anything Craig had ever felt before.

There wasn’t a _push_ so much as a slow wriggle that burrowed its way deeper and deeper inside him. A tiny part of him found it revolting, since his body certainly wasn’t built to experience something wriggling _up_ his ass. The overwhelming majority of him, however, found that this weird, onwards march deeper and deeper into his body utterly enthralling. It touched parts of him he didn’t even know he possessed, bombarding his body with so many sensations he was pretty sure he was going to be left utterly insane after this encounter.

He’d definitely never be able to have sex with a human man ever again, anyway. Tweek had already reached deeper inside him than anyone else ever had, splitting him apart so sweetly, so wide. It burnt, but God it burnt so nicely, his super-human girth working its way into him in that slow, gentle crawl.

Craig had no idea how long it took. He felt fuller than he’d ever felt before. Fit to burst.

Tweek curled over his back, chest moving in ragged pants as he muttered what sounded like curses to himself through laboured breaths.

“Are you okay?” Tweek gasped. “You didn’t say to stop. Are you okay?”

With more effort than anything had ever taken him before, Craig shifted his head, pulling his face out of the puddle of drool that had formed beneath his cheek. “Nrghh,” he said back.

“Craig?” Tweek said. Craig thought he heard a note of worry in his voice. His thudding heart squeezed with a strange flush of warmth.

“M’okay,” Craig garbled. “Good.” Short sentences seemed more manageable anyway. “Move.”

“Alright,” Tweek said, still sounding a little unsure. He seemed appeased enough though, because move he did.

Craig braced himself for the roll and slap of thighs, but Tweek has other ideas. Instead he gripped Craig by the hips and groaned softly as his cock began to gently roll and thrash inside him. It dragged a choked, surprised gasp from Craig’s throat, the sensation nothing like he was used to, but still managing to hit all the right spots inside and outside.

Seemingly satisfied with testing the limits, Tweek began to rock then, hips rolling in a gentle wave that dragged his cock out a few centimetres before pressing it back in with a careful thrust. All the while, his dick danced inside the warm cocoon of Craig’s body, pressing so sweetly and relentlessly against every triggerpoint Craig had.

As if that wasn’t enough, Tweek’s growing confidence led him to start getting handsy. Dimly, Craig could feel Tweek’s palms and fingertips slipping over his back, pushing his shirt up and sliding back down, following the lines of his hips to caress the curves of his ass. They skirted around, finding their way on an adventure over his belly and up to his chest, pausing on the nub of a nipple before travelling back down. When one hand found his cock, Craig cried out, helpless as curious fingers touched and teased and sought to discover the secrets that it held.

Craig was so hopelessly lost in the maddening sensation of it all that his orgasm hit him without any warning. His cock bobbed under Tweek’s fingers, flushed an angry red as it spurted gloops of cum in slow, aching throbs. Craig felt his balls ache with the pressure as Tweek’s inexperienced touch pulled him through the simultaneously shittiest and most amazing orgasm of his life.

All he could do was gasp in its wake, shifting into a broken cry as Tweek -probably having no idea about how sensitive humans were post-orgasm- groaned over him and began to move faster, no doubt spurred on by the way that Craig’s ass was throbbing around his dick.

“Oh God,” he heard Tweek gasp from far away, but he couldn’t form words to respond. Words were hard. Thinking was hard. The world was out of focus and distant, far beyond the rolling sensation of pleasurepain that washed over him like an angry sea. He was caught in its tide, hanging on by a fingernail. He could hear a low, howling sort of noise, realising it was coming from him seconds after he identified its existence.

And still Tweek moved, cresting and falling like waves, crashing against and into him relentlessly and all Craig wanted, all he could pray for was for this moment to end, never stop, be over, never be over. He felt like if he ended up dying from this, there would be no better way to go. He was touching heaven and it tasted so much like oblivion.

Tweek was growing noisier more insistent, rocking Craig’s body with each powerful stroke. He seemed to grow thicker still. Firmer. Slicker.

Craig’s entire being felt numb, but on fire at the same time. Out of nowhere something smooth, thin and whiplike pushed against his lips. He didn’t even question it, opening his mouth to welcome it in, sucking on it desperately like it would give him the focus he so sorely needed.

And then the fog cleared. Just enough for a new, terrible and wonderful pressure to build in a tight ball within himself. It spiralled rapidly, raw and powerful. It clamped down and seized up and then, to his utter disbelief, and despite his softening cock, the thrill of another, second orgasm ripped through him. It was more powerful than even the first, agonising in an exhausting, glorious sort of way. Cum dribbled out of him, watery and thin as he roared his way through it like a wounded animal.

Within him Tweek’s tentacle thrashed and trembled and suddenly, amidst all the crazy sensations assaulting Craig, he was aware of a gush of fluid filling him. Tweek made a guttural, gorgeous sound above him, gripping tight onto Craig’s hips as his tentacle started to calm, flicking weakly as some of the fluid slipped past him and out of Craig.

And then, it was over. The world was filled with panting, heaving breaths and the low thrum of the spaceship.

Slowly, Tweek stirred atop him, straightening up and gripping his hip as he started to pull them apart. Craig could only groan in pain as the ache of separation joined the litany of aches and pains that wracked him.

With nothing left to hold him up, Craig slipped to the floor, face-first into a puddle of his own drool, but he was too exhausted to care. Whatever the fuck had been in his mouth slipped free with a _pop_ and Craig sighed, working his jaw to test it still worked.

He heard Tweek shifting behind him, but he didn’t have the strength to turn to see what he was up to.

“Was that okay?” Tweek asked. Craig couldn’t tell if he was nervous or not. He thought he sounded like he was, but he also thought he’d just had sex with an alien with a tentacle dick so who was he to make sound judgements?

“Nrghh,” Craig groaned. He startled when he felt something soft brush the backs of his thighs.

“Easy,” Tweek said. “I’m just cleaning you up. I uh, came a lot.”

“You don’t say,” Craig said in a scratchy voice. He let himself relax as much as he could, still much too over sensitive to collapse into the boneless heap he wanted to.

Tweek cleaned him in silence, gentle and thorough although Craig was sure he wouldn’t feel entirely clean until he’d had a long shower.

With some help from Tweek, he was turned over onto his back, the cuffs around his wrists swiftly released and disappearing into the either.

When their eyes met, Tweek had the good grace to blush. “So uh, I guess we figured it out.”

Exhausted, Craig could only nod. “I guess we did.”

“Did I uh,” Tweek asked, sitting next to him, still naked from the waist down. His tentacle had curled back into itself now and it sort of looked adorable. Did I do okay?”

“Considering you made me cum twice without even really touching my dick, I think you definitely did ‘ _okay_ ’,” Craig said, coughing at the soreness in his throat.

“Oh, was I supposed to touch it during sex?” Tweek asked. He ducked his head at the Look Craig gave him. “Okay, yeah. That makes sense.”

“Next time, please ensure you do. It fucking _hurt,”_ Craig complained.

Tweek winced, looking a little ashamed. “Sorry. It wasn't intentional.”

Craig nodded. Then he shifted, playfully nudging Tweek. “So, was your first encounter with a human alright?”

To Craig’s disbelief, Tweek laughed. “Oh yeah. I’m definitely a fan.”

Craig felt an inexplicable wave of relief at that. “Good,” he said. “That’s… yeah. That’s good. I’m glad.”

They lapsed into silence before, on a whim, Craig reached up for Tweek and pulled him down into a long, slow kiss.

When they broke apart, Craig held him close, keeping their lips only a breath apart. “It was everything I’ve ever wanted,” he admitted, all sense of bravado tossed aside.

Tweek smiled in response, touching Craig’s face softly. “Yeah well, who’d’ve thought that a cute creep from earth would be such an amazing lay?”

“It doesn’t have to end,” Craig said, suddenly feeling brave.

Tweek swallowed noisily, sitting up and looking away. “It’s not that easy, Craig. I broke a ton of regulations by bringing you on board.”

“So?” Craig said, struggling to sit up next to him. “I came willingly. Come on, Tweek. Let me show you what humans can do. I mean, what are the odds that we managed to be totally compatible with each other?”

Tweek chewed his bottom lip. “I mean, you _are_ an interesting case for humans.”

“Exactly. I could help you out around here with your, uh, smuggling?” Craig ventured.

“ _Data-collection_ and _surveying,_ ” Tweek said.

Oh. Not quite as glamorous as Craig had been expecting. “Okay, data-collection and surveying. At the very least I can let you collect data on _me_.”

The way Tweek’s eyes rake over him told Craig that he’d got the message.

“I don’t know, Craig. If you change your mind it could take months to get you home. Won’t you miss your family?”

“Sure,” Craig said, shrugging. “But honestly, I’m lonely, Tweek. I don’t fit in down there and honestly, after meeting _you_ , I don’t think I’m ever going to be happy with a human man. Not knowing _you’re_ out there.”

Tweek regarded him for a long moment. Craig stared back, feeling much like a man facing a verdict on the death penalty.

“Okay,” Tweek finally relented. “Maybe… maybe as a trial basis we could give it a go.” Before Craig had a chance to cheer, Tweek pinned him with fierce scowl. “But there are rules: firstly you do not press any buttons I don’t give you permission to press. Second, you’ll do what I tell you to when I tell you to do it. And thirdly, you’ll let me learn how to play with your dick.”

Craig’s mouth went dry at the thought. “Oh god. Yeah. I agree.”

Tweek nodded in response. “It’s a _trial_ though, Craig.”

“Mmhmm,” Craig hummed, turning and leaning against Tweek. It didn’t surprise him that Tweek let him. “How far are we from Earth?”

“Hmm,” Tweek said, flicking his hand up to summon a screen. “About four hours.”

“Do you think I might be able to leave my parents a message? I don’t want them to worry,” Craig asked.

“What exactly are you going to say to them? That you left Earth to bone an alien?” Tweek said, sounding sarcastic.

“I dunno yet, but I have hours to think about it.” Craig broke off, stretching his aching limbs. “Fuck, I could do with a shower. Or a bath. You don’t have  one of those on this tin can do you?”

“You’re an asshole,” Tweek drawled. “I do have a bath as it so happens. But I’m not fucking carrying you there.”

He does at least offer a hand to help Craig up, which Craig takes graciously. It’s only then that he finally noticed the elephant in the room. On in this case, _tail._

“Dude, wait. Do you have a fucking _tail?”_ Craig gasped.

Tweek tilted his head, glancing back behind himself. “Oh, uh. Yeah. Sometimes.”

“What do you _mean_ ‘sometimes’?” Craig said.

“I dunno, man. Sometimes I use it to swim with. And sometimes,” he broke off, looking embarrassed. “It kinda pops out when I’m _really_ excited.”

“Oh,” Craig said dumbly. Then he straightened as realisation hit him. “Wait a minute is _that_ what you shoved in my mouth at the end?”

Tweek blushes blue under his accusation. “Well what did you _think_ it was?” He asked, drawing himself up defensively.

“Not a _tail_ ,” Craig answered. “Jesus Christ.”

“Oh, so _that’s_ gross to you?” Tweek snapped.

“No!” Craig said, turning to fix him with an infatuated stare. “Oh god no. It only gives us _more_ opportunity.”

And honestly, Craig cannot wait to explore it. Hopefully forever, if Tweek will let him tag along for the ride.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for not publishing another chapter of From Ashes in this time. I'm still writing it, but I needed to get alien dick out of my system!


End file.
